The Good Fight -Part 3
The Good Fight -Part 3
Let’s continue with the journey as I receive the heartbreaking news of an invasive breast cancer diagnosis.
February 10 to February 13: A agonizing wait
The anticipation and anxiety I felt was immense. I did everything I could not to think of what I went through on the procedure table. Trying to distract myself, I listened to the Tye Tribbette channel on Pandora all weekend as I did my housewife and mummy duties. The high energy from the music helped calm the anxiety. I was angry and still scared.
The unending thoughts
How did I get here? Wide-spread calcifications, enlarged lymph nodes, and two tumors in the duct. How? I am 35! Technically I am not eligible for a mammogram. I had just received a clean bill of health from my Ob-gyn 5 months before. She did the breast exam too. My pap smear came back negative. How……This image played like a never-ending horror movie score throughout the weekend.
The Long-Awaited Phone call
Finally, Monday, February 13 reached, I called Dr. M immediately to find out if the test results had arrived. We played phone tag for a good chunk of the Day. Finally, he called me, and the test results had not arrived. The snowstorm did delay things. I hoped Cupid would shoot me an arrow of good news on Valentine’s Day. I called my ob-gyn’s office at 8.01 am sharp. I gave them a minute to open operations. She is not available, and the results have still not arrived. I left my name with the front desk receptionist, hoping I would hear back.
The Tension at Work
I could not focus at work. I tried to be calm. The tension in the air was so thick. I was choking myself with anxiety. I had stepped away for a brief meeting with work colleagues when my ob-gyn called. She left the usual voicemail message to call her back. The test results had arrived. After another round of phone tag, we spoke.
“Hello Toyin, I am so sorry to inform you the results showed an invasive breast cancer”…..
“NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I screamed.
“Noooo……..”
The phone dropped, and I slumped. I curled up under my desk. My senior colleague (Donna) was there when the news was broken. Thank God for her. She picked up the phone and introduced herself to my ob-gyn while I was still saying my Nos. It was no longer a dream. It was not benign. It was not a bad boil; an invasive breast cancer! I was a mess. I was disillusioned. The oxygen in the room had changed. My ob-gyn needed to see me right away. I could not drive. Donna volunteered to take me.
Donna was the perfect instrument in the hands of God to see me through the first hour of the news. She moved me to a private area in the manager’s office. Our managers had gone to a meeting. As she tried to calm me down, I dialed my husband, and she broke the news to him. I cried. I called Uju, and I broke the news to her. We cried again.
This was a very busy and intense time at the office. South Shore Hospital was about to transition to a new EMR system, Epic. The team was assembled Jan of 2016. Everybody was working hard and working long. I was the Instructional Designer for the Pharmacy module (Willow). Donna was the senior analyst. We were less than 6 months to system go live, and then cancer!! Donna stood with me. Whatever she had on her schedule at that point did not matter. Only God can reward her.
At my ob-gyn’s office
The wait at the ob-gyn’s office was the longest, 10 minutes. I hoped she would come in and tell me she read the wrong result. A girl can only wish. I was exhausted. I had cried my eyes out.
Dr. N walked in with a sorry face and handed me the pathology report. I was stone-cold from that point on. I glanced through the first page to see the diagnosis and saw three different cancer diagnoses; Ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS) and Stage 3 metastatic breast cancer. I can’t remember the third. My name was on the report. This was not a dream anymore. How did I get here?
“I am so sorry, Toyin…. not what we hoped for…. I am so sorry,” said Dr N.
I did not need to be sorry anymore. A part of me wanted to curse Dr N out. How could she give me a clean bill of health 5 months earlier? How come she could not tell something was brewing? A part of me could not blame her too. I was a new patient to her. She was seeing me for the first time 5 months earlier. The person I should have been yelling at was my former ob-gyn, who did a nonsense job with my reproductive health.
Need for a Patient-centered Treatment
I say nonsense because she was not the listening type. Two years earlier, I went to her and complained about symptoms concerning my health. She would brush it off and dismiss it. Her arrogant dismissals did not sit well with me. I fired her and switched doctors quickly. When I met Dr. N, her approach was more patient-centered. She was willing to listen. She wanted to know me more. That scored her points. Like most ob-gyns I had visited, her approach to SBEs was quick; a tap here, a feel there, let’s be done. I remember telling her to slow down the next time she saw me run the tip of her fingers around my areola. I will come back to that later.
It was official. Cupid shot me the cancer arrow. Valentine’s Day will NEVER be the same, at least for now.
“What are my options?” I asked.
Start of the Cancer treatment journey
Dr. N began the painstaking process of explaining what happens from initial diagnosis, medical and surgical oncology referrals, scans, and tests… The process felt like an impossible maze. I was starting to shut down in my subconscious. Not too long after, my husband walks in. I see him, and the tears start to pour like a waterfall. Bankole holds me tight. He thanks Donna for her support, and we release her so she can return to work.
Dr. N starts the explanation process all over again to my husband. Her first task was to stop anything that would feed the cancer cells estrogen or progesterone. My birth control tool was a hormonal IUD. I made sure she removed it before we left. She also jumpstarted the referral to the Dana Farber Cancer Institute. The journey was about to begin.
Processing Emotions and Sharing the News
My husband and I left the doctor’s office to pick up my car. I could not bring myself to tell my mum the news. I called her cousin, Aunty Janet, to tell her. They are super close. They went to Nursing School together. They bore each other’s burdens. They both have houses not far from each other in Leicester. My husband did the honors of telling my mum. My mother felt this was something my dad had to know. She broke the news to my dad. I was afraid for my mum, but my father was more devastated than her. He cried. He withdrew to himself for a few days. He questioned God all the way.
I told my siblings. They cried. My husband told his siblings and his mum. Some cried. Some braced it by faith. Our daughter was waiting to hear the news.
“Mummy, how was the biopsy result?” she asked.
I was silent.
“It’s cancer?” She asked again
Thank you my sweet JESUS
Oh My God My sister that was a journey i thank God for your life and your family and i thank you for sharing it wow, tears can not stop from my eyes even though
i know it’s all in the past now hmmmmm.
Sister Sendy, thank you so much. I was emotional when I was uploading this coz it was like yesterday. The worst of it is over. We thank God for victory.
I praise God for your life Toyin. It’s hard to have words to o describe how I felt when my brother told me the news….No, no, no was my first response but then I also decided that Satan was in for a battle I knew he would certainly lose! Thank God for the incredible strength He gave you. Lots of love sister xx
Aw..hugs!! Indeed, God has given the victory and for that I rejoice 😊
Amen and amen. My hope and prayer is that God will use this platform to equip us better. God bless you too.
“The effectual fervent prayer of the righteous availeth much”You have immunity and deeply emersed in prayer which is your anchor and hope in period of fear,pain or anxiety.You put your faith in the true God and so whatever river you cross, you will not drown in Jesus mighty name.Praise God,you are a winner, amen.
Amen, Amen and Amen. Thank you sir.
Thank you sister for sharing that journey of yours… Alleluia! God has given you victory, that’s all matter, may His name be forever lifter up.